Tuesday, March 25, 2008

fightin' over yo' mama

remember back in the day.....you'd be on the playground at recess playin' kickball, tetherball, or wall ball. and someone would get mad cause they got beat, the next thang you hear is......YO MAMA! awwww, no he didn't......everybody circled around you two cause it's bout' to go down right here right now! for y'all that don't know.....when yo momma is put in ANY sentence, a fight bout' to break out! before we started fightin, remember we would go round and round in circles for minutes (it seemed) until the first punch was thrown and it would go to the ground, then the teacher showed up. i had so much fun as a kid!!!

here's a few throwback momma jokes we was fightin' over:
1) yo momma so fat, she had to iron her clothes on the driveway!
2) yo momma so black, the teacher marked her absent at night school!
3) yo momma so fat, she wore a vcr as a beeper! classic
4) yo momma so black, if she put on orange lipstick....she look like a cheeseburger!
comment if you got one or two.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

prime property!!

what in the world!!! yeah.....that's what i thought too. so, the next time you start to trip about where you live. calm down, cause you could be on the 4th floor in this fine establishement! and if you are......my bad.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

i did it again

back in the day i drank alot coke, soda, pop, whatever you want to call depending on where you reside. i never kept them in frig, cause they took up so much room. i'm not an ice man either.... so what do i do.......when i get in from doing my thang, i will put a coke in the freezer and in no time it's nice and cold! my problem has always been, I FORGET that i put that coke in the freezer. so hours later i'm sitting, watchin' the game, forgotten all about the coke that's about to blow up my freezer and BOOM!!! .....what was that? then it hits me.... it's my can!! sometimes i dont even hear the blow up.....it will hit me in mid sleep, you know how you just wake up in the middle of the night....like from a crazy dream. crap.....the can! not much you can at that point, the damage is done, your freezer looks like a coke can blew up inside! so you clean it in the morning. needless to say it's been almost a year since i've blown up my freezer......well until two days ago. we had a party at our crib on saturday, there were a few cokes left. so when i came home on monday from work, i thought.....i want a coke, it's been a while. you already know what i did! yeah....i put it in the freezer and didn't realize it til' the next morning while making coffee. WOW!! i tried to convince my wife to help a brotha out.... you already know how that went down! all she said is.....PUH-LEEEASE!!!

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

gas is whaaaaat!!

check this out.... you know gas is too high when you can't afford to mow your lawn! remember when you could fill up that little 3 gallon gas can for a couple of bucks!! i don't even fill that up any more, i stop at five bucks. i cant put no $10 dollars in that little thing! on the flip side... i've been so low on gas in my car.......that i used the gas from that little can the garage! see..... i live and drive on the "E" line, it drives my wife crazy. if she gets in my car after me, she'll come back in the house to ask me if she can make it to the store and back? you already know what i'm going to say! yeah, you can make it back!! she always makes it back.... probably not without praying a little bit, though.

Monday, March 17, 2008


my six week old daughter had her first poopexplosion last week. to all parents new or old, you know what i'm talking about! that poop you smell before it hits the diaper, that fart you hear over the tv or radio and you say to yourself......"what was that"? yeah, you know what it is, you look to your spouse or anybody for that matter to see who you can sucker into changing that bomb that just dropped. it's amazing how quick you get your six week old back, when seconds ago she was the cutest thing since beanie babies. so you're left alone to do the deed.......you could get mad, but why, she didn't do it to you on purpose...... or did she?